26/5/20 ***I certainly need to change my perspective

All these years I had been accumulating both empowering and limiting beliefs.  It's about time I consciously sieve and separate these two.

Certainly this cocky but funny Alpha Male attitude got to go.  I got that belief system from Ameezan,  my brother who is basically a pussy nerd who picked up the belief from another pussy nerd in the internet.

Truthfully I *[] (am) a nice person to begin with.  I might be rough on the edges but basically I have a good heart.

* So you think I'm a nice person huh?  Thanks Sarah.  I really appreciate it.

I am the milder version of Razak Mulok, that HP Sales Manager who was my worst boss.  He maybe loud and vulgar but in his weird sense of way, he has a kind heart.  Still, he was a Dickhead.

I grew up in an all boys boarding school.  So naturally my Pussy IQ was pretty low.  Women only meant one thing for me then.  I was never into the women psyche.

I just realized my mistake only when Els debunked my method to the madness recently.  Can you believe it Sarah?  Before she pointed it out, I didn't realized it was a mistake.  I must have been a complete doofus.

Still I am a TRAINABLE doofus.  I can change.  And change I did.  For one thing now I don't practice the one upmanship of an Alpha Male anymore.  I don't need to.  I am now very certain that good guys finish first.  So much opportunities were lost because of a distorted belief system.

Imagine Sarah, I would have lost the opportunity of loving Els should she was not forthright about my remarks on her.  Man, what was I thinking?

I know I am a better person than this.  How was it that I managed to stooped that low?  To me it was me playing a fool.  I didn't realized that another person can get hurt by my action.  That was [] (me) being myopic.

About this good guys finish first; I am happy to point out that by being nice, I got other people being nice to me back.  One thing for sure, I cannot prejudge people.  I have to assume that everybody is nice at the core and they want to be treated nicely too.

Oh boy... Guilt, guilt, guilt.  If you are reading this Els, I am sooo sorry honey.  Please forgive me for my sins.

----------------------

Darling,

This is a short stint of my Hari Raya remorse.  

Do forgive me on this auspicious day.

Love you always.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

20s

@elsDines

Honey, I sent you another email. This is the last bit for today. Sort of a confession. It's not my proudest moment but I am relieved I vented it out. You take care now.