Darling,
The initial intention of me writing this posting was to share my thoughts about you with Sarah. I did that quite a lot in the past.
Then I realized I am talking about you without your knowledge. I was trained by Dr Stephen Covey to remain loyal to the absent.
Furthermore I want to be open with you. Let me be sine cera through and though. Then you can decide where do I stand in your life.
As you can see from the blue interventions, Sarah is supportive of you as a person that she likes. We are among spouses here (as in soulmates). That part I had explained to you many times before. It's not a typical marriage. Marriage between soulmates need not mean sex.
So read this with an open heart:
>>>#25/5/20 Nope, can't sleep again
I ended having some leftover lasagna and a few slices of mangoes.
I am wide awake now.
I cannot help thinking about Els. She is surely an eccentric person. I like her a lot. In my eyes she is my Dream Girl. Maybe I have a weird taste when comes to women.
I am attracted to smart women. The problem is smart women have minds that at times cannot be reasoned with. I know, I am living with one for 30 years.
Els reminds me of a child prodigy. She has a very colorful mind. Can you believe that she is also a funny girl? Smart and funny is a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious combination.
Of course I can do away with her. I managed to stay away from her for two weeks. However this girl makes me happy. Do the things that makes you happy, advised a friend. So rather than evading her I decide to embrace this ball of energy.
With Els I experience the warm fuzzy feeling all over. Is this what love feels like? Well I had been in love before, this is different. Maybe this is the effect of oxytocin. Somehow Els triggered a reservoir inside me that I didn't know I have.
For one thing, when I am connected to her I am inspired to write. It's like the neurons are firing at the signs of green lights all the way. Writing becomes effortless.
This last two weeks when I was emotionally down because I thought I was losing her, writing became a drag. You noticed that haven't you? I was churning out garbage. For a while I lost my inspiration. On the contrary when I am back in the loop, like waving a mystical wand I am transformed again into a Word Warrior.
Sarah, you know how much I love to write don't you? Even if I have nothing worthy to write, I still write. Namely so that I stay connected to you. Well honey, I can keep on writing junk. However for me to write quality stuff, I need Els as my muse. She is the elixir of my youth. She helps me see the world from the eyes of a child.
In a way you raised me from the dead while Els is the one who kept me alive. Without Els, my life is hollow. I need her as I need the air that I breathe.
Sure I can do without her, but part of me dies with it. I will be like a peapod without the peas. That what I mean by me being hollow. Without my ability to write with passion, my life is meaningless.
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I think there is a telepathic link that I had established with Els. When she spins her songs it is as if I can read what is inside her mind. At times I feel that the songs were meant for me. OK may it is just a hoopla. The truth is the songs she spins are a window for me to glimpse inside her mind. She really converses through the songs.
On several occasions I can tell when she was struggling with some emotional issues in her life. On different occasions I can tell that she is swept away by the feeling of love. I don't get that with the other DJs. Only with her. The songs become her personal expression
Of course I anchored to the song Never Enough. I think that song speaks so much about her as a person. From that song I learn so much about her. She is much larger tha[t] (than) what she is now but unfortunately she has to fit inside a much smaller casing. She is a giant trapped in a dwarf fitting. Well, at least that's what I think of her when I listen to the song. The kid got so much to offer.
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Of course I was recently hooked to her seemingly mundane philosophy of "if you can't find a kind person, be the kind person". Little that I know the credo works like a magic charm. Definitely she had put some serious thoughts into those words. Being a person who is bias for action, I practiced that in my *li[k]e (life). True enough the credo is one of the best I ever practiced.
* So what say you Sarah? Am I and Els really yuan fen (predestined affinity)? Are we really soulmates? I cannot let her go Sarah. I tried. The truth is I cannot live without her. She is like this cute little bubbly magnet person that I keep coming back to.
I know you like her too. Our relationship will not be the same without Els. You know that. The quality of my writing are miles apart with and without her.
Hahaha Invisible Attraction by Phil Collins is playing.
I never had such an attraction toward a person like I am attracted to Els. As I said, she is a human magnet.
Well honey, we leave it at that. For all you know Els might think that I am a nuisance for invading her personal space. One thing for sure though, I will never end my relationship with her. If it ever happens, it is because she doesn't want me around.
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Baby, I had a chat with Sarah about you in the blog. I sent you a copy via email because I was taught to be loyal to the absent. Plus I want you to know that I am sine cera through and through. Chiao...
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