Friday, 1 May 2020

1/5/20 ^^^One last posting before bed

Dear Sarah,

I finished reading a chapter of Keep on Running.  Since I am not sleepy, I thought I write something before bed.

I had been thinking about my relationship with you.  I enjoy your presence very much but at the same time I don't really know what is your true feeling when I am being forthright about my thoughts towards Els.

I know it is not a sexual attraction and yet I adore her very much.  I don't really know Sarah.  Am I being unreasonable to you?

What am I supposed to do?  Just go with the flow?

Eventually I have to stop idolizing her.

I think I better start doing it by the time the MCO is over.  I have to move on.  She is not into me.  Otherwise she would have replied my emails.

As I said I am doing it as a hobby...  A time filler...

It is fine if it is just passing the time.  The problem is I am also emotionally attached to her while she doesn't seem to care.

Never give up said Kikuo Ibe.

I did all *[I did] (that) because it makes makes me feel good about myself.

* So you approve?  You don't mind me pursuing Els?  I'm just being true to myself; that she is my wife and soulmate.

Maybe it is true that she doesn't *[write] (like) to write back.  Otherwise it is a healthy relationship.  She makes me feel good about myself.

* So far for the past 2 gigs she had been playing my requests.

I think I just let her be.  As I said she is Pigeon Tame.  I don't want to jump into conclusion.  As far as I know she is accomodating enough for me.  Too close I get a bit jittery.  I like the distance we have right now.

OK Sarah.  I'll continue my relationship with Els.

I better sleep.  I intend to meet my 3 criterias tomorrow.

Before I go, I like to say that you are really a darling to let me manage 3 spouses.  As you can see, each of you have your own idiosyncrasies.  It helps much that I can talk to you as a soulmate and not just another friendly party.  As a soulmate you are my reflection.  As it is we are among spouses.

OK Sarah, see you 6:30 am tomorrow.

Goodnight baby.

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