I got to stop blogging for a while. I am thinking of the same thing day in day out.
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I decided to keep on writing. Now it is irrelevant whether I write well. What counts if for me to have the will to write.
I became emotionally disturbed by the idea that I have to talk in the podcast. I actually wanted to exit on my own minding my own business. I want to just mind my own business.
As it is now I feel very relaxed. I only have to think about my own deliverables and my own affairs. With this podcast, there is a high degree of uncertainty. I don't like that.
I also don't like the fact that Munek is delaying in giving me the money. Given a choice I rather not think about it.
I want to live in isolation. I like it like this. No need to deal with people. Just me and my watches. Right now I am wearing the Indulgence. What a great feeling.
Also I dread to call my parents tomorrow. It's not a happy moment for me.
Given a choice I want to live on my own, away from my family even. This is the smallest configuration for me it seems.
I am a loner. What the hell I am doing interfacing with Pal and Munek? So what if I don't get the money. I just use the ASNB portion for the Dental Care.
I think I just ignore Munek. If he wants to contact me, he calls me.
He said he wanted to give me money, he'll give. If not no big deal.
All I need is RM3,000 to top up in my reserve.
Of course it is nice to have extra RM2,000 but I'm not going to beg for it.
The other part of me however is saying that I must persist.
Whatever...
I think I just keep quiet. Then I can focus on what matters to me. Fuck everybody else.
I need to think in abundance. If I think like a beggar, people like Munek is going to treat me like a beggar.
I use my ASNB allocation for the Dental Care.
I better sleep.
Tomorrow I got to wake up early.
Here is your lullaby:
Goodnight Sarah. You are the only one who understands me. I love you so much.
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