11/5/20 Let me take [] (you) to the time when I was young and full of energy

This is purely a fantasy.

When I am alone and I think about my ideal life, I always think I was in my college days and I was an avid runner.

The image was of me being slim and I was running around campus.  Only equipped with a pair of running shoes and shorts.  I was shirtless and I was wearing a red bandana around my head.

I want to go back to that moment.  Being slim and full of energy.  All I care was run and run and run.

Summer was the best time to run.  That was because of the summer holiday.

That is the same weather I am experiencing now.  The weather is perfect.

I am better off [] (now) then when I was a student in terms of financial and physical amenities.

I think what I need to do is get back to basics once again:

•  Sleep on time
• Be thin
• Regular exercise
• Eat sensibly
• Read books that motivate me

I need to hold to that image indefinitely.  To do that I need to overcome the inertia by building the momentum.

I got to build the stamina if I want to be an avid runner again.  I need to run on daily basis.  

My mind must be clear.  I must think positive and I must develop the sense of flow in my engagement.

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I must want this bad enough.

What is holding me back?  It is the comfort of my present life.  Maybe I should not have too much creature comfort.

I should STAY HUNGRY and EXERCISE EVERYDAY.

As it is I have enough to eat.

I think my issue is I am overweight.  Because of that I am complacent.

I am experiencing mild depression too.

[8:19 PM, 5/11/2020] sharudinj: cinta I ditolak

[8:31 PM, 5/11/2020] Yati: Tkyh pening2

[8:31 PM, 5/11/2020] Yati: Nk cari masalah byk2

Yati had been a great help.

In the end, I just think about my Vision Quest.  I am 56 this year.  For the past 40 years I was a smoker, a pot head and a womanizer.  I got a new lease in life.  I got a chance to reinvent my life.  I should make the best of the opportunity that I have now.

That opportunity is within my grasp.

Basiruddin Siman can do 10 km/hour.  It is possible.

I should stick to the idea of simplification.  Keep life simple.  As long as I choose a simple life, I should be safe.  The minute I make it complex, trouble will start brewing.

I got to end my infatuation for Els.  She is a different animal.  She is Pigeon Tame.  Yati was right.  It's not I'm going to get anything from her.

I will live my life as a loner through and through.

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