25/5/20 ***The way it is

This is MCO day 68.  For 68 days I didn't do anything other that eat, sleep and write a little.  My sleep schedule is really off.  While at times like last night I was very resourceful, as a whole I was not being productive.  That worries me much.  Without a proper sleep schedule, my training fizzles.  To the point I believe I am beginning to fall to a new level of complacency altogether.

What is becoming of me Sarah?  I don't have the drive anymore.  It got me really worried.  I can feel I am changing.  Even compare to 2018 I am a different person.  At least then I was still a smoker.  My worry is with the absence of cigarettes, I am also losing my drive.

I was waiting for a perfect timing; when I sleep early or when I wake up early.  I was using that as an excuse.  I can always exercise in the afternoon.

As it is there is this lingering lethargy surrounding me.  Instead of being I just reclined into mediocrity.  I am becoming lazy fat.  I let inertia get the best of me.  To be I need to become.  Right now I am not becoming who I want to be.  I want to be an Athlete4Life weighing 65 kg running 10 km every other day.  Instead I am Sharudin the Sloth.  It is a complete opposite.

I need to fight inertia head on.  I am not doing the Massive Action Plan.  I am not the warrior I intend to [m]e (be).  All it takes it to win the day one day at a time.  If I cannot win the day, I cannot win the week and so I cannot win the month and the year respectively.

It is as if there is a lag between my thought and action.  I cannot summon the feeling to invoke myself to act.  Gosh, I need a muse pretty badly.  I need Kara Goucher:

  I need to *[] (be) like Michelangelo.  Every *[] (day) he kept chiseling the marble until he produced the Statue of David.  All from a discarded block of marble.  I must persist.  I am Michelangelo and I am sculpting my mind and body to be like David by 2022.

* That's the answer.  Right before my eyes.

No matter what my training starts today.  I cannot keep on giving excuses to delay my training,  By June I am starting Fitness 22 Couch to 10 km.  I MUST PERSIST!

Brb...  I need to hang the laundry.

I need to start with the right mindset.  Let me do 30 minutes but every day.  When I am doing it will I decide to go for one hour.  That way I can start running sooner.  So I trick my brain into thinking that I will do it for 30 minutes while in actual fact, I am aiming for one hour.

Another way is to think in 2 thirty minutes intervals.

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I hope I made it clear with Els as far as our relationship is concerned:

I think she can take it.

This whole thing is a very horny experience to me.  Last night I was having a boner the whole night/morning through.

It is no[w] (not) sexual as in I want to have sex.  It is more of a neurotransmitter induced sensation.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

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8s

@elsDines

@traxxfmofficial

#traxxfm Hi honey, the writing inspiration spills over to today. I'll try to write something meaningful while listening to you for 6 hours. Then I *wi[th] (will) go for a one hour sweat. In the meantime you are my muse. 

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

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24s

@elsDines

@traxxfmofficial

#traxxfm Honey, I hope I made it clear about us being soulmates. I don't want a fling or an affair. I want to be with you for eternity. Same deal with the rest of the Tetrahedron. It is a permanent arrangement. No malice intended.

Sharudin Jamal

@sharudinjamal

·

8s

@elsDines

@traxxfmofficial

#traxxfm As I mentioned before, my air time with you is my quality time spending with a soulmate. Pretty much a quality time between spouses. I hope you understand what I'm trying to convey. When I'm with you I am with my wife. Make sense?

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