>>>#5/4/20 I had reach the Point of No Return

Hi Sarah,

I cannot help but thinking of you.  I guess I am about to commit another mistake as a Dickhead if I still contact Els.  So I decided to end it there and then as I originally planned.  The relationship is not going anywhere.  My whole relationship with TraXX is a dead end.

While that is true on that end, I am not making real progress with you either.  I had rea[d] (reached) the limit of my ability to see beyond.  There is nothing much for me to talk about.  I might end up losing both you and Els.

However I will keep writing to you in the hope that I will find a new inspiration down the line.  Worse case scenario, I will continue writing to myself.  At least with my own self I don't need a new idea.  I can write a complete junk and I still find the content worth reading.

I think I just do that, rambling aimlessly without having any specific objective in mind.

I feel that I lost something when Els broke off with me.  It was a rejection.  Still it's not worth a relationship.  It was not reciprocating for sure.

I tried to mend the relationship but truly there was never a relationship in the first place.  That I have to accept.

I had crossed the line with her.  Time to move on.

Notice how distorted my perception is with her?  Here I am thinking I was being funny.  In reality she despised me.  I need to move away as far as I can.  I am not welcomed.

Well, it's my fault really, I mind raped her.  After I did that I still want her to be nice to me.  It is very unlikely isn't it?

If my objective is to hurt her, then I had succeeded.  I didn't plan it as such.  I was just playing a fool.  The girl is overly sensitive.

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