I definitely doing OMAD tomorrow. Tonight I'll read a bit.
Here is your lullaby:
I think I write to Els instead. I have no intention of sending her this letter. Just me expressing myself.
My dear Els,
I know you think I am weird. How is it that this guy keeps coming back even when I treat him like dirt?
I have no other explanation other than that I am in love with you. Rather than wasting the energy away, I am channeling it to be productive in my writing.
It is pretty obvious. When I am connected to you, I am pretty creative. The minute I break the link I *[] (am) downright depressed.
* Sarah feels the same way. She understood my predicament. When I am happy I write well and when I am down, everything is crappy.
You have such a powerful effect on me baby. Every hour I am awake, I say a quarter of that is spent thinking about you.
You may think it is easy. What's the big deal? Just move on. Well it is not easy Elsie. My creative juice is somehow linked to my feeling for you. I am a writer. As a writer I write. So the biggest let down is [] (when) I want to write but there is nothing coming out to write about.
Perhaps the reason is selfish. I am thinking of my own interest. Many times I did think of the effect of my presence on you. Am I not welcomed here? Am I intruding? I often wonder...
But then when I study the structure of your language, that may not be the case. Yes, you were hurt by my silly actions before but you didn't shun me.
As a matter of fact, I think you actually enjoy my company. I certainly enjoy hanging out with you. Have you ever wonder how it feels to meet a person of your dream? Suppose one day you meet Henry Cavill. Well that's what I am feeling now, I had found my Dream Girl and my soulmate. Accept that as the truth and you can see how amazing is the feeling.
I am sorry if I came on too strong. I made the mistake of rushing things in the beginning. That might scare you a bit I presume. But that was just me being true to myself. I just flow. Of course there were risks. I decided to take the shot anyway. All because if I didn't do it I might miss the opportunity altogether.
This thing called true love is new to me. I discovered it very recently; at the twilight of my life. It's like a magnetic force. I guess the love you radiate to the world is like a lone candle attracting the bugs to you.
"Don't go to the light," said one bug to another.
"I can't help it, the light is my flame," said the other bug fatalistically.
It's a dad's joke I just made up LOL
Anyway Elsie, I like it very much if you can reply my email once in a while. Beside Sarah, Lizzie and the kids, I only got you. My world is very microscopic. I don't have many friends but those I have I treasure very much.
Love you always.
SJ
25/4/20
Day 39 Movement Control Order
I decide to send her the email anyway. I think it was well written.
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