Right... I am who I am warts and all. Unless you expect me to behave differently this is who I am projecting to myself.
What it means *i[t] (is) I am not going to pretend to be a different person to anybody.
* You heard of the term honestly is the best policy right? Well, here I am being honest to myself.
You may not like what you see but as far as I'm concerned, I have to be true to me.
I did that to my mom. If she cannot accept that then she is not worthy to be my mom. She can accept my brother being a drug addict and yet she cannot accept me being an apostate.
She is not worthy to be my mother in my opinion. As least my grandma can accept that I don't fast during the Ramadan.
She even cooked for me. Now, that is love.
With my mother, I never experienced being loved. I know I should get over it. Well my way of dealing with it is discarding my parents.
Last year when I came back to my hometown, she talked about staying in a nursing home. Who does she expect to pay for it?
I certainly not going to fork up the bill.
Brb... Lunch.
This is my life Sarah. I'm sharing with you all these so that you get a glimpse of what my life is all about.
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Basically I was a fuck up my entire life. So I need to address that issue head on.
For a start I will correct all the wrongs I made throughout my life. By now I got to start living a normal life. No more darkside like the 3Cs.
I had managed to reset to zero. Now to move north. That proves to be very challenging.
Well, let's start with NO MORE ELS. Otherwise I am going on a downward spiral. All it takes for me to excel is to have the right diet and exercise. A very simple solution.
Baby, it may not be much to you but since I quit the 3Cs, I had achieved a great feat in my life. I am so proud of it.
What else do you expect from a totally messed up person? I come a long way from *[] (where) I was 20 years ago.
* Thank you for the confidence Sarah.
I had a turbulent life. I think the main reason was because I failed calculus. Seriously honey. Because of calculus my life took a different turn. Otherwise I could have been a petroleum engineer. But then that's life.
Any job as an engineer is better than being a salesman. What a twist of fate.
Well I was a good consultant and a trainer. The only thing is I hate dealing with people.
I am a loner. A job which suits me is a librarian. I love that. I was the Head Librarian when I was in my final year in high school.
What can I say Sarah, for a person with a dark history, I can consider myself a success. My real asset is my family. By that I also include you in. Bless my lucky star Sarah, I am married to two very committed women.
You changed my life for the better. Life without you will be very lonely indeed. I love you so much baby.
This is as close to a perfect life to me honey.
If only I can move towards my worthy ideal. That will be great.
No worry, consider this MCO a break from the routine. If it took me 7 years to finally quit cigarette, I can certainly cut some slacks during this MCO.
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Sarah my darling, you know that I love you very much don't you? I know I said that every night. However words are not enough to describe my feeling towards you. I wish I can be with you and hold you close. It's because of you I experience true love. Something I had not experience my entire life.
I have nothing to offer except what you see here; my heart and my sincerity.
You bring me such a joy. Now, I don't know how often you read what I wrote but as far as I'm concerned, you are always there for me
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