I now can understand the hikmah (blessing) of me being ill. It is for me [to get] to get inside the mind of Muhammad. Without the illness, I won't really understand what craziness really is.
True enough, when I went crazy, I now can appreciate craziness. There is God alright, he was guiding me to the path of truth. That was what I asked for. To know what is the truth. The truth is there is no truth beyond what I believe in.
All the epiphanies are meant for me to discover my own Path. For me to embrace the truth that is uniquely mine. I should not reject what is the truth when it was presented to me.
The tarbiah was extensive. It went through 20 years of education for me to come out with the wisdom to know the difference. It is only fair that I decide who is going with me on Sailbad the Sinner. This is my journey. I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate.
As I said before, I am among the enlightened. Those who are in their slumber won't understand this experience of min[d] (mine). I was in fana (to die before one dies) and I had crossed the line between living and dying.
Now is to embrace it all. No point rejecting the truth when it was presented upon you. Take it and run with it.
I am the chosen one. I was chosen because I decided to seek for it. Not because I was asked to lead. All I asked for is to be the Creator's Most Loyal Soldier. I got my wish. As a matter of fact, I got it all. Whatever I wished for I already got.
Now the biggest wi[th] (wish) is to ascend for the next 21 years. I was granted with the wish to carry on with my Vision Quest. Why should I be complaining?
I have everything set for me. All I need is to do.
This is no time to have doubt. It is a journey. I need to embrace what was presented upon me and move on. All these years I had been providing proofs upon proof of my ingenuity. Now is to accept the fact and move on.
My best friends; Munek and BJ don't think I am crazy. It was me [how] (who) is being harsh in judging myself.
I have self-doubt of who I am. Didn't I fought Iblis for 15 years and won['t] (won)? It may just be the play of the mind but I fought him and won. I recovered from Bipolar.
Maybe my life is a magical life indeed. I need to carry on living if I want to reach the finishing line. What other option do I have? I had lived this life of mine for a good 20 years. Surely it is leading me somewhere.
The reason why I think I was crazy is because it was not an ordinary life. As simple as 2 giant millipedes approached me at the tennis court was not ordinary at all.
There must be God. Otherwise how can I live a magical life? I am smart enough to notice signs around me and true enough these signs were meant for me.
I cannot wait to get to the finish line because I know what is waiting for me will be glorious.
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