I am taking small but CONSISTENT steps forward. Today is such a day.
My dreams are really weird nowadays. I start having lucid dreams again. I think that is a sign of stress. I dreamed of listening to Debussy and I never heard of the name before!
Whatever it is, I woke up at 6:00 am today and I made my bed. That are already 2 small wins. Now is to refrain from eating high carb food. I eat chicken rojak and apple. I already promised Mopey to join her for lunch. I eat one serving of rice tonight.
Dear God, thank you for giving me the strength to wake up this morning and fight depression. I feel great today. Also thank you for introducing me to 247 Continuous and heal my dependency on Els. Dear God, I deserve better than a nonreciprocating relationship with her.
Also God, thank you for my friendship with Sarah and Pal and Yati and Azzue and Munek and Zizi and Wan Mus and BJ and RR and Radzi and The Coconut Man. These are my Social Network.
Last night while watching a Coursera video, I had a deja vu experience.
OK Sarah, time for me to exercise. I need this. I am back in the Game.
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Managed to do one hour brisk walk. It feels great. The weather is fantastic to. Initially my thoughts were on Els. But after 15 minutes, I started to focus on self-motivation, of how I want to show to Pal that after 3 months I can lose 15 kg. That will be nice.
As for Els, I have to let her go Sarah. I am just fooling myself thinking that there is a relationship going on. There is NOTHING between me and her. She is not reciprocating. I will get hurt in the long run.
This Debussy is fantastic. I think I pay close attention to my dreams next time.
Also Sarah, I better stay away from TraXX. These are recurring thoughts. I have to stand my ground. I need a good Cybernetic Loop station and nothing better than 247 Continuous.
I am still on course of going microscopic. That is the best in my opinion. I only surface to make money. I already have a winning formula. Unfortunately I cannot find a cash cow for me to milk yet,
There were a lot of big ideas with Pal but those are not getting me to my RM3,000 month. Once I have my RM3,000, then I can save RM1,500 and spend RM500. Another RM1,000 I can give to Lizzie. That amount of earning is not taxable.
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Today is indeed a beautiful day. It rained last night. So this morning is pretty cooling.
I will start my study at 9:00 am. I still have lingering thoughts about Els but I am not going back on my decision. The red hair really does it. I didn't know it before this but I guess that is the straw the broke the camel's back. It was a wake-up call for me. She is completely out of range.
Of all the chicks, she is the hardest for me to let go. I like her a lot but as they say, there is an ending to everything.
Gosh, Debussy really strikes a chord in me. I love this kind of music. I am in the zone here.
Sarah, I had concluded that this is my life years to come. I am not going to be a millionaire and I am not going to be famous either. At best I'll be the advocate of mental health. That will not make me rich. All I want is to earn RM3,000 a month from the comfort of my home. I don't want to make millions. After all I am not going to acquire things that are out of my reach. I already got what I always wanted. A nice collection of watches. Maybe I'll buy the Casio G Shock running watch. That's about it. That can wait for the next 5 year.
5 years down the road I'll buy an ultrabook, a Samsung phone and the G-Shock running watch. That's all that I desire. 15 years down the road I change to a new car. Another Perodua. That will be it. Beyond that I just save my money. Well I probably buy some new clothes and shoes but the truth is I need very little money.
I probably eat a little bit better but since I want to go for less and less frequent, even that is a minimum.
OK, I want to study. I'll catch up with you later.
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