Tonight I want to drown my sorrow. Many times I want to let Els go. I think this is pretty much it. She is so self-centered.
I have to make a stand. I never thought that this is the defining moment but seriously I can't stand the idea that she is so self-centered. Even if there are other reasons behind it, the red hair confirms that she doesn't care about others.
Already she is nonreciprocating. Knowing that she is a narcissist really is a turn off.
Well, time to move on. I have to do away with a muse. Certainly I don't need a crazy chick to be my muse.
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My mission is to get well. To do that I need a conducive environment. Sure I need social soothing but I need a mentally stable person to be my muse. I cannot afford to be dependent on a crazy chick to accelerate my recovery.
Here is a test Sarah, will she contact me in the next 6 months if I keep quiet? Most likely not. So there is no relationship in the first place. It's pure fantasy on my part. Might as well I focus on my studies.
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What I'm saying Sarah, I don't want to live in a make believe world anymore. I have enough on my plate to worry about a necrophiliac relationship with a chick who don't care about others. I am pretty sure she is off-centered. Nobody in their right mind will dye their hair red unless she is a pop star or a rebellious teenager.
I am not a bigot. You that... However I cannot afford to have a muse who is a narcissist. I want to get well. I don't want to get sucked in a roller coaster relationship. The red hair just the sign I needed to back off from her. It's a very clear sign. This time I am very sure of my decision.
Fuck... There is no such thing as the Law of Attraction. There is only cause and effect. In the case of Pal, I decided to call him to find out if he is still with Zali. Beyond that he is nothing more than a person who want to take advantage of me as a resource. So in exchange I took advantage of his big talks. I am still short of RM3,000 a month.
What Law of Attraction is it when I still have to repair my PC and phone? Especially when I want to save money for my future?
I spoke to Lizzie just now. No need to pay Pal for the notebook. I need it to do work for him. On my own I don't need the notebook. I am very comfortable using the PC.
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Having said all these, I could do with RM3,000 a month. Let see if the Law of Attraction really works. Once I believed in Azizi Ali. I invested in property and I got burned.
Now I believed in Pal and he is sucking me into Online Training development. I am more interested to take advantage of Coursera.
I think I just attend the courses as if I am a student. I can complete 30 courses [] (in) 2 months. As for developing the course material, I'll spend another one month to develop the two courses. What is more important is for me to finish the courses.
I need to learn new subjects. The courses I can develop later. What counts is the opportunity to learn new materials. I cannot sow and reap at the same time. Learning is sowing.
Imagine, I can [] (learn) as much as I like for free!
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Sarah, in addition to the Coursera courses from coursera.com, I have the opportunity to learn coursera courses that MDEC bought. This one is extended until December 31. Hang on, let me check the courses available.
Nope, no good. These are IT courses.
So I have until September 30th to learn as much as I can. Then I spend the following 3 months to develop the course material.
Time cannot be better. Perhaps the Universe has really spoken.
Let's look at it this way. After going through 30 courses, I am definitely cleverer that I sit around and do nothing.
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Well alright. Let's learn something tonight.
No lullaby baby... I am in the mood to study.
We'll chat again after this.
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