I had experimented this philosophy of "If you cannot find a kind person, be the kind person" while I was in contact with Els. I think it is just bullshit.
However I will continue to write to her whenever I feel like it because I have to raise myself above the game. Not until she asks me to stop writing to her.
I learned this from the power players like Mahathir and Najib. Just don't give a fuck.
As it is, it makes me feel good writing to her. It is not for her benefit but really for mine.
I will however no longer listen to TraXX. That is definite.
Writing to Els is like writing to a sitting duck. I know she reads my emails even though she doesn't respond back. That is the battle of the eye balls. As long as she reads, I can still capture her thoughts.
It is no different from writing Dreams of Mirrors. The only difference now is I am writing to the audience of one. That is similar to writing to you except you respond to my writing.
Here I don't expect her to respond but as long as she doesn't block me, I still have the opportunity to do thought invasion on her.
What I am doing now is to scale down my expectations. As long as she doesn't reject me, I will not reject myself.
The messages should be a message of kindness. Just play along to her game. If she wants kindness, I will be kind.
In the final analysis, we do things because they make us feel good. If by writing to Els make me feel bad, I would not have done it. There must be a benefit to it. That benefit is I write better.
Even if by writing to her, my writing doesn't improve much then it defeats the whole purpose.
Hence I only write provided it is a quality output.
If I can get that quality output by writing to you, then I will not write to Els.
-------------------
There is very little reason to write to her anymore. I had explained to her all that is needed. Only things is if I feel the need to write to her, I should not hold back on the account that she will reject me. She doesn't reject me. She is only saying that she doesn't want me to send her gifts and she doesn't like me fat-shaming her.
OK let's write a kindness letter:
LET ME BE A KIND PERSON FOR A CHANGE
Dear Els,
Thank you for the kind words. I know you are a person with a heart of gold. You had taught me the meaning of kindness.
Honey I was never meant to hurt you. That's why I hope you can forgive me for my wrongdoings. It makes me feel sad when you take it that seriously.
Please accept my gifts. They are gifts out of my sincere appreciation of you. I don't expect anything in return. Just your happiness utilizing them.
I like you a lot Els. You bring joy to my heart. Don't take that away from me. I never feel such joy for so long.
Love you always.
Sine cera,
SJ
8/5/20
Day 52 Movement Control Order
-----------------
There... That should do it.
That reminds me of the time I hustled a masseur into giving me a happy ending massage. I said she needed to massage my dick because I am impotent. She believed me and she did it.
After I ejaculated she asked me how come I can ejaculate?
"Oh, that is because you cured me of my impotency," I said.
--------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment