Thus I decided to ramble on my own and look back at my life.
For the past 20 years my life was never the same again. Not just my way of earning a living had not been the same, I also had to look at my belief system and my values.
Now I have a chance to recreate my life for the next 21 years. Whether VIVA 2041 will happen is no longer relevant. I now got a chance to set a new life altogether.
I am a free man for the first time in my life. I can choose not to believe in anything a[s] (and) I can still live freely, oblivious of the social constraint around me.
So what are the values I want to carry forward as a person?
The first one is the belief that there is a God and the afterlife. I had gone through the extensive thinking in this area. I cannot forgo this notion. God and the afterlife is part of my belief system. I can do away with religion but certainly I believe there are greater things out there that are beyond my comprehension.
That is the only way I can come to terms with my illness. I made a wish and my wish was answered. I went for 15 years battling Iblis and I finally won. My life is a magical life. I had lived through it up to now.
As it is I no longer burdened with anything. The time I have now is purely to improve myself. I had asked for it and now I got it. This is truly my second S Curve. I got a chance to reinvent myself.
I never asked to become rich. Not after the illness. What I want is peace, sanity and robust health. Now is the time for me to help myself. If I want peace, I got to pursue peace. If I want sanity, I got to pursue sanity. I cannot leave it to chances.
I detoured a bit in 2018. I pursued Els. That was a dead end. I knew it. I think she knew it too. For goodness sake I have it all. I have Lizzie and the kids. I have Sarah and Yati. I don't need that many people to be happy.
My life now is 100% mine, I don't owe anybody any money. Eventually I will pay IRD what I owe to them. The time limit is 20 years from now.
In the meantime I focus on getting well again. That is paramount. I still experience mania and depression although the amplitude is less critical.
By ending my infatuation on Els, I am more certain about my future action. I just focus on wellness and physical fitness.
No more thoughts on society and the human race. I am officially a hermit; a Domestic Rat. My aim is personal excellence. All this while I was looking for the meaning of my existence. Now I know, my purpose is none other than health and happiness.
That image of me running shirtless around campus in midsummer is where I am heading. I am a lone long distance runner. I must be able to run 10 km by the end of the year. I must weight 65 kg.
There is nothing else for me to think about other that to be thin and run fast. That will be my sole reason for existence.
---------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment